The Day Before The Day Before

28 May

I almost never post here anymore, but I couldn’t figure out any other way to talk about what is happening. But to understand what is about to happen we have to go back, to what happened. To the beginning.

So I’m four months pregnant. Ben and I are strolling through New York sometime around Thanksgiving and we’re realizing all the stuff that is going to change when and if this baby¬†actually comes out (we had some almosts… another story/another time.) And Ben is feeling a little down because he thought he’d make his first feature before he had a kid. He won all these awards and then didn’t make a feature and now it will be harder or impossible because a baby is hard or impossible. We think. We don’t know. We’re fretting and worrying and we decide, almost without considering any other options that we will cobble together some of our money and investor money and a cast we know and Ben will go to Chicago and make a micro-budget indie. We just decide. We never decided to get married like this. We never decided to have a baby. I don’t even know if we decided to kiss for the first time as easily as we decided to make a movie. For almost nothing. This is what that looks like:

2012-04-09 20.21.11

I know.. so glamorous. So off Ben goes to Chicago while I’m about 7 months pregnant, working full time on Bunheads and taking care of our dogs and our house and looking for a new house which we think we might get and talking to Ben who is working impossible hours with no money while living in his investors house. He comes home and we have a baby and move into a new house and he starts editing it because nobody else can and we spend three years trying to finish it. Hoping we will know when.

2012-04-20 20.37.27

And this is how it always goes. This is how it always will go. We will, for the next three years, work harder on this than on almost anything else. We’ll fight about it and cry about it and worry and put more money in and do an Indiegogo campaign and have a baby and buy a house and get jobs and lose jobs and fight and be in love and then we have this movie.

This beautiful, weird, lovely, sweet and funny movie. 87 minutes of it. Ready to show to a few hundred people on Saturday.

Our movie has no stars. Nobody you know is in it, though you may recognize a few faces, nobody is likely to get papped during our premiere on Saturday. We are working professionals in TV, everyone in the movie is an artist with a day job. Like us. So this is the last hurdle. Can our story, Ben’s script, his vision, the performances, the music, can any of it get through the white noise of celebrity driven indie films?

I don’t know. We grew up wanting to be Todd Haynes, Hal Hartley, Susan Seidelman. This movie is very much a part of that DNA. Movies without stars are hard. When you see Brad Pitt you know what you’re supposed to think of a character already. You have a shorthand and a relationship with great actors, hell with any actor who you know before you watch a movie.

I wish I had some great lesson to share with you, right now. Instead I only have the truth. It is possible that even though this movie is good and strong and beautifully made, that we will end up without a distributor and have to spend a year self-distributing it. That we will never hand this baton off to someone else. It is possible we don’t want to (we do.) These movies aren’t made for the industrial machinery of Hollywood distribution and every time a movie pierces through the veil it leaves behind a thousand brothers and sister movies, some just as good, and nobody knows why.

If you’d like to come see the other three year old living in our house, join us Saturday at Dances With Films. And come say hi afterwards.

This baby is going with us on our next adventure:

2015-05-22 18.31.25

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